Encourage a "try, try again" attitude.Brooks suggests asking: "How can you handle this differently?" You may be surprised by the solutions the will come up with. If your children are fighting, for example, instead of yelling "Don't do that!" or giving them a time-out, Dr. Ask, "Do you want to wear your Elmo pajamas or your nightgown?" "Which flavor drink do you want to take to school: a Capri Sun fruit punch pouch or an orange juice pouch?" Once kids can manage these small decisions, take it up a notch. Give children the opportunity to make choices as soon as they're old enough to understand. We all make mistakes, but we try to learn how to act next time.'" "Use it as a teaching opportunity," suggests Dr. Feeling a bit of guilt is an essential part of learning to determine right from wrong. If a young child feels bad for not following the rules, don't immediately try to minimize their discomfort. "When kids see you behaving well, they'll want to do the same." doing these things will show children that just as they have rules to follow, so do you," says Judy Arnall, author of Discipline Without Distress. "Hanging your coat in the closet when you get home, putting your dirty dishes in the sink, not screaming when you're frustrated. I'm so proud when of you when you behave!" or, "You were so polite to say 'please' when you asked me for that crayon. Say, "It's great that you remembered the rule to make your bed. "Whether it's making the bed, helping set the table, or letting their sister play with his blocks, make sure you reinforce rule-following by celebrating your child's successes," says Larry J. Tell them, for example, "You need to go to bed at eight o'clock because your body needs a lot of sleep to stay strong and healthy." Or "You have to put away your toys so we'll know where to find them next time you want to play." But if your child understands that there are simple reasons for your rules, they'll realize they aren't arbitrary and will be more likely to comply. You don't have to give your children elaborate explanations for why you expect certain behaviors from them.
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